frame by frame
by mystiques
Summary: She's a monster, and her life has fallen apart, bits and pieces crumbling down. But all that matters to her now is changing the way she lives. / or, the story of Spencer Hastings and how she tries to set her world right. / one-shot, spencer-centric


**an:** um this is my first fic in this fandom - so please be nice-ish to me! :D just kidding, but this _is_ my first try at pll fics... :D

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**frame by frame**

**. **

She's a monster. She knows she is one, and yet she can't bring herself to admit it to the world. Mainly Mona Vanderwaal, that pretty little bitch. Spencer Hastings in seventeen and doesn't know what to do with her life.

Seemingly, she's the best student in her year—her school, her city—at least, that's what her friends and family tell her. She's not quite sure if that's true, and she's supposed to perfect. Flawless, impossible to beat—and all that was hers until that newly 're-formed' Mona had sauntered in and stolen the prize.

Spencer Hastings is hard to love, and hard to please—but she has a seemingly perfect life—at least that's what the others see—they don't know about "A" or Toby or the pressure she's under. No, all they know is that she's a fucking overachiever and was friends with Alison DiLaurentis, who is supposed to be dead.

In their eyes, Spencer is like an angel. Perfect, pretty, and shining in a bright golden light. Beautiful and flawless—but that's not what Spencer is. You don't know, do you? She's a **monster**. A cheater—someone who claims the credit of things done by others.

But no, not a single soul knows this, and Spencer wants to keep it this way. She's falling apart, frame by frame, and she just can't put herself together again. After all these years of being pressured by her friends, peers, and mostly, her parents—to be perfect, pretty, smart, the top of the class—she's breaking down.

.

**[don't you know, darling? everyone has their breaking point.] **

.

She can't let everyone know about her soul—how dreadful it is in there, how dark and dreary it is. How cruel she is to those people she loves, how she cheats to get what she wants, and most of all, how many dirty little secrets she's keeping in there.

The only person she really truly trusts is Toby, but that all ended when she found out he was "A"—she's not quite sure what to believe anymore, and it's not like she can trust anyone with a secret. After all, two can only keep a secret if one of them is dead.

But it's not as if Spencer doesn't _want_ to die—only little children think like that—but it's more as a matter of proving herself to people. And maybe Spencer just wants to turn herself over—not that that's going to happen anytime soon—or maybe she just wants to set things right for herself.

Either way, Spencer isn't sure whether or not she wants to live, and she has so many secrets. She can't stand to keep them in any longer, but she has to. For the sake of her friends, herself, their reputations, and just—her perfectly-crafted life.

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**[after all, seemingly perfect worlds _always_ come crashing down.]**

.

Spencer sometimes wonders if those religious-freaks (Hanna's words, not hers) have real ideas, because if they do, Spencer is seriously in major trouble. She wonders if God or Allah or whatever those people worship are real, and if there really is such a thing as karma. Because if there is, Spencer thinks she has to reconsider her non-religious state.

It's not like Spencer really wants to convert to some random religion—she's just worried about herself, which is really awkward, seeing as no one really worries about themselves, but more of others. But Spencer is not normal, is she?

Sometimes Spencer wonders about her own sanity, and whether or not it's safe for her to be around her friends. She's really unstable, and really, it seems like she's been taken over by some mysteriously annoying spirit, who makes Spencer do all these desperate things she does.

Spencer is incapable of producing spectacular essays, and she absolutely cannot complete all her homework in time. Yup, your little perfect Spencer doesn't do everything by herself. She can't admit that to anyone, of course—it would mean her downfall and losing the trust of **everyone**.

.

Her new year's resolution is to try to change, but Spencer knows that no one can change with a snap of a finger. Her life has already crumbled down, and now she's trying her best to set it straight again. Building it back up together will take time, and Spencer is willing to do that, she bets her life on it. Not that her life is worth much—Spencer is sure that her life is only worth a few bucks—she's a worthless piece of fringed string, and she can't stand it anymore.

She hates thinking of herself that way, but she knows it's true, and her heart is set on changing that. She knows that she can't simply change with a blink of an eye, but at least she can try. Spencer knows she has to do things by herself, but she already broke once because of pressure and trying to do things all by herself—she doesn't want to try it again. But it's vital to her own trust in herself to do so, and so Spencer decides to at least try her best.

She gets a few Ds, Cs, and Bs, but it's okay—Spencer knows that life doesn't revolve around school—but yet she cares a lot when her parents yell at her to keep up the Hastings family tradition of being the best at school. But she can't—she just can't—she hasn't learned everything, with all that cheating the past few years.

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Spencer Hastings is seventeen and a supposed perfectionist. Her life has fallen apart, but she's building it back, piece by piece—bit by bit—frame by frame. She's not perfect, but at least she's trying her best.

She's a demon, but she's not afraid to admit it. She's changing, and slowly, as the minutes tick away. She knows she's a failure, and she understands this, but she's fixing her life, and that's all that matters.

Because she's Spencer Hastings, and she understands the true meaning of life.

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**notes: **aha this took about two hours to complete. um um um i think it sucks...but then people keep telling me my writing is good but... *sighs*

please don't favorite [or follow] without reviewing! reviews are greatly encouraged and inspire me. :D [omg now i'm being all weirdly cheesy]

xx jo


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